BOOM!

yes it is now over. check out the intro to the new shit here:

The Daily Pooper

please enjoy. there will be more posts soon.
it'll be more of a total news source for the world.
funny, like the onion, but real, not like the onion. get it?
of course there will still be sports posts but it will probably be more like the upcoming "ugliest guy in the nba" contest (winner already determined). it'll probably only be about sports when something stupid happens, or it's time for ugliest guy in the mlb, nfl, nhl etc.
POOP

tick, tick, tick

well, i'm really tired of doing this. realizing that I don't even care what i think about sports was a revelation to me. this will be the end. i will be changing formats starting next time. i thought about doing it like a radio station and playing the same song for two days, or posting the same post for two weeks, or something. but i'm not. i'm just gonna do this and call it good. the new shit will be funny and enjoyable. unlike this shit, which has been boring and uninformative. you know it's true. trust me, the new will be better. i just need some time to get it going. i've got a few post ready to go, i just need to change the shit up. it's coming. try back tomorrow

it's been a while

so yeah, it's been a little while, but don't worry. i'm still around, lazy as ever. i watched the all star game last night, of course. now, i'm not gonna bore you with accounts of the game (i think i'll pretty much never do that, not a sportswriter). i am gonna talk about two people who regualrly kill sports for me. god these two make me want to shit. these two are like fingernails farting on a chalkboard. i am talking, of course, about joe buck and tim mccarver. these two mooks puke all over baseball on fox every saturday, during the all-star game, playoffs, world series, bascially any big game. joe buck also annoys people during football games. now, i don't have a whole lot to say about it today, since i am at work. but i do have a pretty sweet link for you to check out if you haven't already. it's for the website shut up tim mccarver. if you have a few minutes, you can check it out. especially great is the mccarver gems page. this is where you can read a bunch of dumb shit that asshole has said, like "he wears his hat like a left hander." or "the reason we call that pitch up and in is because the arms are attached to the shoulder." what? so yeah. check it out.
unfortunately i have yet to find a similar page for joe buck. maybe you should make one.

since i know nothing, i won't pretend to.

this is randy foye. he was drafted by the t-wolves last night. er, um i mean he was drafted by the celtics, traded to the trailblazers then traded to the wolves. do the wolves really want to add this guy who has bounced around the league this much? i mean c'mon.
all right all right.
my knowledge of college basketball is very slim. i know that they play a tournament in march and during it, i kinda like to get drunk. other than that, i'm pretty much hopeless. what i've read about this guy today they say he can play right away and he can play defense. hopefully he'll be a good fit. for the real knowledge though i'll turn to local guru kevin mchale. he said "he's a basketball player." well, that's good. no matter what happens at least he's not mario williams.

santana's goin for the sweep

johan santana's on the mound today at noon as the twins go for the sweep at home against the dodgers. odalis perez is scheduled to pitch for the dodgers. mauer will probably not catch today, but he will probably dh. three players who will be the shit today are as follows johan santana, joe mauer (if he plays), and i'm gonna go out on a limb and say luis castillo, he's due. there's no reason the twins shouldn't complete the sweep today winning their seventh straight.

it should be easy. i love afternoon baseball. it makes work go so much faster. if i was smart i would have found a way to skip out and go to the game. but it's impossible today. go twins. vote mauer.

i don't even want to know

yes, today is the nba draft and as an alleged timberwolves fan, i hope that i can divert my attention to this afternoon's twins/dodgers game. i know i can't though. the wolves, as you may know have the sixth pick. the effectiveness of mccants is really yet to be seen. and so i go back to the last wolves 1st round pick none other than ndudi ebi, pictured here. just look at his great career numbers
notice the players he's best compared to. also notice that josh howard was taken three spots later. of course every other team passed on howard too, so that's not really fair. but c'mon, i think i've earned the right to complain about everything mchale does these days. the latest i've heard is a trade sending marko jaric and ricky davis to denver for kenyon martin. yeah, great idea. he's just a locker room problem who's signed to a huge contract until 2011. the same year kevin garnett turns 35. hey mchale, did kg do something? this seems personal. or are you just feeling threatened by isaiah thomas?

hey joe, would you mind telling me what the fuck is going on?

first off let me say that i like, no love this picture. maybe if jeter would have spent less time blowing bubbles he coulda scored.



ok that's not important. what i'm meaning to talk about is this year's all star voting. how is joe mauer this far behind? granted he has moved from fifth to third in the last few days but still he's batting .377! not to be lame and invoke the name, but it's true, this is fucking bullshit.
if he was second behind rodriguez, it wouldn't be as bad. nobody expected detroit to win 50 games all year, let alone by the end of june. so ok.
but both of them are behind jason varitek. i could sit here and tell you just how much better mauer's stats are than varitek's, but i'm not gonna. if you're curious, find out for yourself. just know this, the only reason varitek's up so far is because he plays for the boston red sox. a team that people still seem to love as the underdog. guess what? they aren't underdogs anymore. they won the world series, their payroll is second only to the yankees and their bandwagon fans are at least as annoying as the yanks'. someday maybe i'll write about how much i absolutely hate the red sox, but not today. this is a plea.
i know i've got 16,000 readers out there. please vote online for joe mauer for catcher. if all 16,000 of you vote the allowed 25 times, we'll have just enough to catch varitek. that greasy can't read a kids book bastard.

where to start?

well, here it is.
this is the first post on 'this is fucking bullshit!'.
i don't have a whole hell of a lot to say about it.
please remember that i live in minnesota, and have no cable right now.
please enjoy my ranting about sports and whatever other bullshit i can think of.
this starts now
this is fucking bullshit...really